Sean Sullivan: Crisis in Copenhagen

This is the script for a commercial advertising a fictional movie about the investigation into the nature of quantum physics. There are a lot of "inside jokes" in here relating to a long discussion on a GEnie newsgroup-like forum (Space & Science Roundtable), so it probably doesn't make much sense.


CRISIS IN COPENHAGEN
By Sean Sullivan
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At the Copenhagen Institute, someone has murdered reality with a heavy block of calcite and just a pinch of reason.

Meet Sherlock Holmes when he says "when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbabile, must be the truth", and then proves that truth doesn't exist.

Visit Shrodinger's lab, where the Professor is rapidly running out of felines, and see the Professor bring a cat back to life after passing it through a filter measing the conjugate attribute of the health of the cat.

Down the hall Dr. von Neumann has set up an infinite number of measuring devices to measure each other, but they are awaiting the Ultimate Observer God who is supposed to arrive any time now.

Professor Bohr said that anyone who isn't shocked by the ideas found in the Institute hasn't understood them, just before he went out to the proverbial Lunch with Einstein, where they are arguing about Dice.

Heisenberg is still walking slowly around the park outside, wondering if nature could possibly be this absurd, but no one expects him to return.

In the exciting finale observe Dr. Watson, after seeing Schrodinger's cats, try to save the murdered victim by measuring the attribute of existence that lies at right angles to Reality. Will it work? The answer does not exist until YOU see ... Crisis in Copenhagen!

Rated R-. Psychiatric guidence suggested for persons over age 13. Showing now in macroscopic devices everywhere.

(PS -- in sorting out the various cases we were hypothesizing, we used X+ and X- to denote "suppose X is [true/false]". Thus, L+ means "suppose locality is true". R meant "reality", as in "the existence of anything outside of one person's mind, including other people". Thus, R- denoted complete solipsism.)

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